My journal is partly friends-only. I make a lot of public posts but updates of a sensitive nature are filtered. Of course, it's not like anyone but my friends are interested in that stuff anyway.
Also, I hate anonymous commenters. If you aren't going to stand behind a statement then don't make it. BUT if you must get something off your chest anonymously, then I refer you to this post
where you can be anonymous to your heart's content.
Life has been cruising along at what seems like an ever-increasing speed. My 10 year HS reunion was a few weeks ago. I didn't go due to work, but it's seriously mind boggling to think I've been out of high school for that long.
I started a job a few months ago that I am really enjoying. The pay is crap, but honestly, how much is loving your job worth? Luckily I've got a very understanding boyfriend to split the bills with me.
I've gotten praise from every level at my new job, too. It feels great to be good at what you do (a feeling I got used to with painting - I'm spoiled). I could go on and on about my job, but I won't. Not right now anyway. :)
Jon and I are moving into a new apartment in the next few days. Same building, across the hall, lol. It's much bigger than the one we're in and LESS money for some reason. Nice 10 ft windows, a spiral staircase, and still walking distance to everything. God I love living in Salem.
I've got Bob's bachelor party nearly all planned - being a best man is work, but so worth it! And I love the looks on peoples' faces when I tell them I'm the best man. The wedding is going to be AWESOME. I need to finish making my fancy hat for the reception.
On top of all that, I GET TO START SINGING AGAIN SOON! I can't wait to start rehearsals for a Christmas show I've been asked to be part of down in Waltham.
Add to that the fact that we're now officially able to adopt a dog, and life is looking good. I just wish Pipkin was here to enjoy the high times with us. Realistically, I know the peaks inevitably give way to valleys, so I'm savoring it while I can.
As one decade comes to an end and another begins, it seems like a natural time to reflect a bit. 2009 was certainly kinder to me than 2008 was, but both years taught me a lot. Nothing is wasted if you learn from it.
I don't usually make resolutions, but in 2010 I want to continue what I started in earnest in 2009. I'm accepting the parts of myself that I don't like very much but are as much a part of who I am as are the parts I do like. I think I've grown a lot, and I'm glad of that.
I look forward to reconnecting with a lot of people in 2010. Yes, I do like to keep to myself, but that doesn't mean I should be a hermit. Besides, I miss some people.
There are people I've grown closer to and people I've grown away from. And I fell in love again. I'm spending New Year's Eve with a man that made me realize it's not commitment I have a fear of, it's prison I'm afraid of. He doesn't ask me to be anything but myself and I love him the same way. We've even mentioned the M word, which I didn't think I would ever want to hear again. Hopefully 2010 will see us homeowners. If it doesn't, whatever. That's life. There's always 2011 and 2012.
But that's all, because everyone knows the world is going to end in 2012. (lol)
When I was a teenager, I cared about myself above all else. I'm certainly not proud of it. By the time I was 18, I was completely disgusted with myself. At the same time, my brother was diagnosed with cancer, and I sort of went into a tailspin.
At that point I went to far in the other direction. I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I behaved as I thought they wanted me to. That just made me unhappy.
I didn't even realize that's what I was doing until someone pointed it out to me.
Anyway, i've decided what I ned is moderation. From here on out I am going to surround myself with people I love and who love me as I am. I am 'the whole catastrophe', as someine once said but I can't remember who ATM. I am imperfect and if you're willing to accept that Without Judgement, then I am willing to do the same. I can be emotional and impatient sometimes. When I'm hungry or overtired, I have a temper. I have lots of useless book smarts but I can be a total airhead sometimes.
I love books and music and cooking...but eating even more. I think celebrity gossip is dumb, and I love sports. Sometimes I sleep for days and sometimes I don't sleep at all for days at a time. I write crappy poetry when I'm sad and play too many video games.
So there you have it, me with my flaws. If you are willing to love me even though I'm imperfect, I love you and your imperfections also. Luckily I have a boyfriend who is good to me and makes me feel like a queen while keeping me down to earth. He's imperfect too but I love that about him.
I am pleased to meet you all! :)
Oh god how I miss opera.
Now that I'm just about done with school (just need to finish my internship and pass comp II), I can't wait to study opera at least part-time again.
Unfortunately my internship is taking up all of my extra time, so I'm not making money. And if I'm not making money, I can't afford lessons. Alas.
But my internship has shown me some really interesting things. I've been making mental notes of the things I want to write down when I have the motivation. Like the cat that came in with maggots crawling out of its rectum. Turns out its colon had completely necrosed and the maggots were eating the rotten flesh. Or the 150 lbs German Shepherd Dog that was bleeding so much the entire hospital smelled like a slaughterhouse. Or the tiny puppy I fell in love with named Teddy Bear who had Parvo, and just when we thought he was over the hump he died in my arms. (For the love of God, if you get a puppy PLEASE vaccinate it for Parvovirus, it is horrific and it's not something you want to go through.)
Oh, and the dog that came in with DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulopathy). Every time we touched the dog, no matter how gently, it bruised and bled from that spot. Lots of things can lead to DIC but it turned out this dog had hepatitis, which is one of the more common causes of it. Once DIC hits there's nothing to be done but euthanize the animal as quickly as possible so they don't suffer anymore. That was a Bernese Mountain Dog and it was fairly traumatic to everyone involved to see it bleeding from everywhere at once.
But yeah, eventually I'm going to make journal entries about some of the more interesting things I've seen at VESCONE. But right now I'm hungry.
I'm back in car research mode.
The way I see it, my car is legal to drive until the end of March. My inspection sticker expires Jan. 31, and a rejection sticker is good for 2 months. This, of course, is assuming it keeps running until then.
It's sad to see the Red Baron go - so many roadtrips and memories. But 200K miles is a good life. And even with horrible tires and no suspension, it's been amazing in the snow storms we've had this winter. I'm impressed that it hasn't given me any trouble at all until these last few months. I <3 it.
So I'm back to researching about a billion different cars so I can get the exact right one. I love Rogues, but I can't afford a new car, so that's out. Besides, after driving one I can kind of see where reviewers say parts of them feel kind of cheap. But what do you expect from a car that's under 20k brand new. Muranos are also out because they're too expensive. I do love them though.
I want AWD, but most of the cars I might be able to afford are FWD. That means I need to get used to FWD again. Not that it's a big deal except in an emergency situation. If i had known then what I know now about front wheel drive, I wouldn't have totalled the Grape. But if the Grape hadn't been totalled, I wouldn't have been able to get the Pathfinder. So I guess it worked out in the end.
Anyway, I want to make sure I get the car that fits me best. After all, I'll spend a significant portion of my life in it for (hopefully) the next five years at least.
And I hate to admit how shallow I am... but a lot of the cars in my price range that have AWD are just ugly. I should be beyond that by this point in my life, but I guess I'm behind a bit. Subaru Outbacks are great cars, have plenty of space for dogs and roadtrips, have AWD, AND are good on gas! BUT THEY LOOK LIKE STATION WAGONS.
Apparently, I have more ego tied up in my car than I thought I did, because I can't bring myself to drive a station wagon. (Toyota Matrixes are out for the same reason, and Rav4's are out because I HATE having a spare tire stuck on the back door).
So yeah, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU PEOPLE GET THE IDEA THAT I OVERTHINK THINGS!
Dabney's water broke Tuesday morning... she finally had the baby this morning.
52 hours of labor!
But Sydney is healthy and fat. Dunno how she came out so chunky when both of her parents are built more like cell phone towers than people.
I can honestly say that these last few months have been some of the most difficult of my life. Coming to grips with the reality of my marriage has been, at times, almost more than I can bear.
The last few weeks, since Ed moved back to Ireland, have been the most acutely painful. There have been days I couldn't go to school because I couldn't get out of bed.
I've gotten support from some unexpected people, and I thank everyone for that. And yet, some of the people I always thought had my back have pretty much abandoned me. It hurts almost as much as the end of my marriage hurts. You don't expect your friends to go MIA when you need them the most. And no one expects their friends to go MIA because they think they know better than you do.
I guess it's hard for people who haven't been there to understand all the things that go on in a marriage, and how two people who love each other can fail as a couple. (Every married couple I know will vouch for the fact that you don't know or understand marriage until you've been married) I know we did the right thing, but being the one to make that call adds another dimension to things. Instead of just the sadness, I also get the crushing guilt and the constant second guessing.
Every day I have to remind myself of the reasons we came to this decision. It was a long, painful process to get to this place, and it will be a long process to get out of it too. If someone has a problem with the decisions we or I made, it shows an overestimation of their own understanding on their part.
I want to thank everyone for being patient with me. Like I said, this is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Some days are better than others. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.
^I made that bitch. I'm clever like that.
To top it off, #1 failed, #2 passed, and #3 passed. It's like they finally realized they just had to ask me, and everything would be ok. ;)
Dear Democrats: Don't fuck it up the way the Republicans did when they had control.
PS Pipkin is excited, too. He said "Yeah I'm just glad there's a black guy!" Stupid racist bunny.
- Mood:FUCK YEAH